The Purpose Driven Crapface

5.13.04 Tidings of goofdom to all my substituents in the rat hole, namely life.

Hello hello there good fellows and fellicishas. I bring you a new spawned entity of craziness: purpose driven craziness! Paradoxical, yes I know it seems. But the way things seem and the way things truly are exist as two separate but equal establishments. In fact, the two go hand in hand. For example, most evangelicals, when working up their righteous sounding emotional bellows, pull a hidden side from their personality. On one side of the manerisms lies craziness, but on the other side lies purpose; they're trying to change your life (which in fact only God can do). Therefore, they have purpose-driven-craziness.

But some evangelical easy-believist armenian pastors do enjoy hosing down the congregation with shredded dairy products. And in light of this atrocity, some would call them crapface. But in fact they are trying to get the congregation to sanctify themselves and to live righteous lives on their own accord, so some would go as far to say that this is a purpose driven crapface (hence the email title).

In fact, I think Rick Warren, when faced with the dillema of naming his book, should have chosen the second brainstormed title instead and called his book the Purpose Driven Crapface. Well, I don't think it would have risen to be a bestseller in New York City, but then again, we shouldn't focus on numbers or monetary gain, now should we? I didn't think so. Therefore, to avoid becoming a purpose driven crapface, one must move on.

In height of these blatantly vehement remarks which you just previously endured, I will give you the opportunity to respond to me personally and accuse me of being a purpose driven crapface. But, if indeed you have things you want to debunk me on and indeed don't say anything, then you, my good sir (or lady), are the purpose driven crapface. But indeed if you otherwise accept everything I say and have your own basis for it, then you are indeed a spineless mass of naivety. Something I say must be wrong, otherwise I am not human. So let's rid ourselves of the subject of the Purpose Driven Crapface

Or should I say, purpose driven cripeface? A double euphamism! Yay!

But indeed monkeys don't grow on trees. Wait a minute, they do! Ha!

Is car exhaust the equivalent to a mechanical flatulent?

Are house trusses designed to hold a mammoth sized pile of purpose driven crapface?

Ugghh, I must flee the scene of enmity before I get stoned to death. Yes, I must push the send button. Got... g...uh!...cr....

{message sent}

sigh. I do believe that this is the most controversial post I have ever written. Tell me your thoughts.

p.s. This email in no way tends to discriminate against Rick Warren or easy believist evangelicals. Just their beliefs.