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Wednesday, April 28, 2004

The Businessman

So I wondered to myself, "how did I end up here in this bare room anyhow?" Just then a loud booming voice spoke to me and said violently, "WE HAVE BROUGHT YOU HERE TO QUESTION YOU ABOUT YOUR BEHAVIOR IN SOCIETY. IT SEEMS... THAT YOU HAVE NOT BEHAVED UP TO PAR AS OF LATE."
"Well..." I started.
"YOU WILL SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO, SIR."
"Ok."
"I SAID SHUT YOUR MOUTH OR WE'LL INJECT NERVE AGENTS INTO YOUR BLOODSTREAM."
"..."
"NOW, WE WILL ADDRESS YOU."
"..."
"WELL?"
"..."
"ANSWER ME!!!"
"You haven't asked me a question yet, sir."
"BLAHG! YOU...... ARE RIGHT. WELL, WE HAVE TRACKED YOUR MOVEMENTS AROUND THE CITY AND HAVE NOTICED SOMETHING QUITE PECULIAR IN YOUR BEHAVIOR. YOU HAVE NOT STEPPED OUTSIDE YOUR HOME IN FIVE DAYS."
"..."
"UR, WHY IS THIS SO?"
"Well, I actually have been in and out of my house many times in the past five days, so I don't know what you're talking about."
"YOU SHALL NOT LIE TO US. WE SHALL INDUCE PAIN ONTO YOURSELF!!"
"I'm not lying. I went to work everyday, and to the grocery store a few times, and one time to the movie theatre. Oh yeah, I ate lunch with friends a few times, and also went to a coffee shop on Friday. I believe you are mistaken."
"I'M WARNING YOU! YOU SHALL NOT LIE TO US. MAYBE HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH. I DON'T CARE! EVEN IF HE IS WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LOOK STUPID IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF AMERICANS! UH, TURN OFF THE MICROPHONE. I'LL TURN YOUR... ER... "
"I think you have the wrong person. I won't tell anyone about this if you let me go."
"WE'RE THE ONES DOING THE NEGOTIATING HERE, PAL. YOU WILL KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND SPEAK ONLY WH..."
"when spoken to, yeah yeah yeah. You know something? I didn't realize how unprofessional interrogators could be. And unintimidating. You are probably two scrawny guys back there using voice manipulation to make yourselves sound big and scary. Well I don't buy it. Now haven't you figured out that you've got the wrong man yet?"
"..."
"I don't appreciate being ignored. I asked you a question."
"...YOU ARE A PESTILENCE SIR. AND I WOULD RAM A CHAIR DOWN YOUR THROAT, IF MY PARTNER HERE WASN'T RESTRAINING ME. AS FOR YOUR SARCASM, IT HAS EARNED YOU A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE TRIP HOME. BUT DON'T THINK THIS IS THE END. WE MAY MEET AGAIN, SIR. AND THE NEXT TIME, THINGS WON'T GO SO WELL FOR YOU OR YOUR BIG MOUTH. MARK MY WORDS. YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET THIS DAY. FWA HA HA HA!"
"Yeah whatever. just let me go."

As for the uncomfortable ride home, I slept through the whole thing, so I didn't notice very much.
I woke the next day, not thinking much about the previous night. In fact, I thought it was a bad dream. But then I noticed something strange in my apartment: a pair of glasses. "Hmm" I thought. "I don't wear glasses. And I've never seen my roommate with a pair of glasses..." DA DA DA!!!!!


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