Oh, the ripeness

4.20.04 ... Eleven days till my doooooooom! Or my time to shine. Discipline, good sir.

In an effort to sound comical, I almost always come across as a random word generator or a madman doped up on Dramamine. Whatever the case, this email was originally meant to be serious, and also short. So I will try to hold true to that effort.

gulp. (heh heh) This will be difficult.

First, many of you have fell abashed by my comments on "warmth, rangers, and putrification." Well, I do admit that many of the comments contained therein were greatly affected by sleep deprivation. And monkeys. Oh cripe this must be serious. Oh, very well then.

Friends. It is so amazing how the love of God could be portrayed--if only a fragment even--in friendships. Any close friendship. Two people interacting on such a familiar level, just hanging out, sharing difficulties, feeling each other's pains, helping each other through the hard times, but also laughing when the good times come tumbling down the avalanche, when everything in life seems to lock into place, and dreams become realized, when skies are blue and there's nothing to do but rest and sit and talk. Relationships, the most important thing on earth, I daresay. Not money (humph!), not accomplishments, not knowledge, not power, not fame; for our relationships will carry on past this life to the next, to the life that truly matters.

Bash me on these things. I do enjoy it. Well, at least when I get to explain myself. Haven't been caught dead wrong yet. But I better stop before someone in fact does fire a nail gun into my big toe. Because the man that speaks for a long time is bound to say something wrong. Therefore (and I do unblinkingly admit) I could have said some things that were out of place or flat out wrong. Tell me of these things. Because they are the weathering agents that will ripen my life.

If half of you reading these haven't figured it out by now, half of my words (when sending the usual crazy emails) are half made-up half somewhat intelligent. If one could go through them all and create a list of the made-up words I have spawned, I would be belchingly pleased.

To all the walnut gatherers out there, I don't feel your pain or your sweat.

And to the rest of the unseen world, I won't even touch basses with you, as none of my natural senses can sense you. Half-blinking eyes I sprout to you all. Along with two left-over chalupas in my ice box. Indeed, the hard fried shell on the chalupa is a plethora (ha ha that's a funny spelling, but the english language is indebtedly inconsistent) of grease, as compared to the banana, which indeed grows mushier with time.

And we all know that dihydrogen monoxide lubricates the innards of the [collection of mutual beneficiaries (sybiosis)], thus fueling the metabolic process within this [collection of mutual beneficiaries] to burn lipids and saturated monochlorides.

Translation: And we all know that water is to the human body as oil is to an engine, and in turn makes your metabolism speed up and burn fat.

**[The text above contained in brackets like so are actually not believed by the writer, they simply are included to make the writer sound smart, which may or may not be happening. Simply replace the terms in brackets with "body" and it will reflect the view of the writer.]

Errrr. I must convene this gathering to eat a banana, because a friend and I share a common ancestor and we must discuss our lineage. And yes, bigdaddy, I still disband even now. So ha.

Good well.

'twas the Don. You missed him about five seconds ago. Cripe! (And now prune is met)

p.s. I am now officially an unhomophobe.

p.s.s. Don't ever let me do this again. I shall indeed fire off exactly ten rounds of nail gun steel into each of my lower phalanges. Oh cripe, now the second effort has also been abolished.