CCCC 4/26/04

4.26.04 CCCC ---- Team of the world's greatest hoax formulators

Hello adviseraries. I am enthralled to have such a fine collection of the world's greatest crop circle creators in one location. Well, I have a fine collection of news I want to sprout to you all, each and every one. So let's get it on!

Ok, first of all, I want to bring to your attention a sick twisted hate mail that was sent to me earlier this week. I did not know who the sender was, but he went by the alias of "b-d-r-u-d-o-l-p-h". I don't even know how to pronounce his alias correctly. This indicates that our sender is very covert and wishes to remain underground as he voices his attacks against our corporation. Here is a portion of the text which he wrote to me:

"Hey Don, guess what?Subliminally voluptuous hot girls really do exist. Unless, of course, a potato is stuffed in your "tailpipe"..."

The rest of the text has been edited out due to profane and explicitly sensational remarks. Yes, I mean what I say. As you can see, this has brought intense anger and evil thoughts to my head, and I feel like punching a brick wall. But I realize that my anger must be channeled to produce good instead of broken bones, so I will now go drink fermented grape juice. (Gulp) Ahh! Refreshing! That stuff hits rock bottom. Well, now I feel like an entire progeny of flapping finches. I shall continue with my address.

The same day I received a different email, the text of which contained benevolent and wise sayings. This friend and I go way back, back to the dawn of Mankind (at which your mom was present), and our relationship entails a tale of greed, forgiveness, and finding our way to adulthood and maturity. Indeed, you could learn a lot from an Immortal, I myself being one. Over the thousands of years that we have treaded through, we have come to learn a whole lot about emotion and relationships. Here is the first quote I wish to expound upon:

"Infatuation and desire die without emotional love, which collapses without self sacrificial unconditional love, which does not exist outside a relationship with God."I cannot agree more with this scholarly remark. Though some attempt to throw out love as a feeling, it is much more. True love is self-sacrificial. And the rewards of such a love are infinite, literally. Now we shall look on as the author expounds upon self-sacrifice and hard work:

"I would agree that relationships are some of the most important pursuits in life. Relationships take hard work. And hard work can be extremely rewarding. And accomplishment comes with work. But it seems to me that the extent to which an accomplishment is rewarding to us depends on the amount of work behind it. We would do well, especially as 21st century Americans, to learn the value of hard work. Seriously. And play, an important part of life, is a heck of a lot more fun after you've been working hard.”

Relationships, with others and with God, are the end, and work is the means. However, the character which makes one a hard worker can only come from God, so I guess you should say that a relationship with God is the means."

Well, once again, I am left with little to say. Well, my fellow crop circle fabricators, go out and sow your lies and deceit. Ha! We are the fools? No, I daresay. There will come a day where our secret is discovered. But until then, GOOD RIDDANCE!

This meeting is convened. Until the same time two weeks from now you shall not see my face. Neither I yours. Fare busts.

p.p.p.p.p.p.s. I have subjected myself to logical and grammatical correctiveness.