The Inescapable Siezure of Contentment

5.24.04 Close your eyes

Dream
See the breeze
Notice the substance
Flowing through life's seas
Wisping across your skin
Gathering tears from your eyes
Bringing a smile to your face
A kiss to the lips of your soul
A fragrance to senses unfelt
At least by body breathed

I want to wish every one of you a satisfied life. Not just vain happiness. I wish to you satisfaction, to live your life and know that at the end you have accomplished something, that in your mid-forties you don't have a mid-life-crisis, that you can look back and smile as memories of pleasant events come to mind.

But where would the good things in life be without the bad? Would life still be as sweet if all we had were good things happening to us? It's similar to sickness. When one is well, he rarely thinks about being well. In fact, he takes wellness for granted. But as soon as one starts to experience physical pain, he realizes just how good he had it made. Then, after the sickness is gone, the true happiness and joy of not being sick really shows.

As randomaity is all but elliminated, I wish you fulfilled happiness and berrily satisfaction.

Ahh, life. Who can capture the essence of life better than the artist? I do not attempt to speak pridefully. The artist sees and absorbs the beauty, the struggles, the living of life around her and conveys these through different media. Sometimes it is hard to tell what a certain work will be like before it comes forth. Everything depends on emotion. I myself have experienced a dramatic increase in musical expression when dealing with intense emotions, or having experienced one of many of life's extremities. Beautiful. Simply Beautiful, this thing called life.

I got struck down today, in several ways. First of all, my idea about God's Will including every action of our life, including sin, was flawed. Although I still think that God can even use our sin in the process of sanctification, it may not be part of His supreme will, which in fact is that we will become glorified. When we stray from God's Will, it is this same will which brings us back to Him. The true regenerate will realize the folly of straying away and will run back to the source of life. I myself have been in this situation many times. The second way I got struck down today was by my parents. I can not yet buy a keyboard, even though I have the funds to buy it. Reason: I would have to draw funds from savings which contain money given to me by my grandmother specifically for the purpose of education. However, my reasoning insisted that I would obtain the proper funds to refill my account after working for the summer. They pointed out that I haven't a reliable full time schedule yet, and that I would have to start working more hours before this proposition becomes a reality.

I was thoroughly disappointed. Such is the effect of many good things in life. Such as getting behind a slow driver that perhaps saves you from a possible wreck. Or getting due punishment for wrongdoing, which indeed shapes us to be better people. Many good things in life are weathering agents as I enjoy saying, and the process of grinding away the impurities isn't always enjoyable. I now have to wait at least two weeks before the prospect of buying a keyboard enters my mind again. But that will teach me patience, now won't it? Why yes, good sir, I believe it will.

Patience, discipline, love, edification, purity, all things the mind must learn in the process of sanctification. The mind--so fascinating in many respects. In other respects very frightening, such as how murder or some other atrocity could somehow be logically justified and rationalized. Such is sin. The rationalization of something bad as something good. Setting our standard higher than God's, which is indeed the Universal Moral Law. But indeed the mind is capable of many good things as well, such as thinking of ways to help others and be of service, or simply commiting random acts of love and kindness to others, or spending hours of hard work to provide for a family. I can't help but see the fallacy of believing in an evolved hierarchy of organisms ranging from primitive to complex. There are just too many complexities in the mind and even in many routine organ functions to go that route. Darwin himself stated how the complexity of an eye seemed opposed to his theories. And today science has revealed so much more about the intricate processes in the eye, from maintenance to the transferring of information from the cornea to the processing center in the brain. Looking also at nature, the heavens declare the glory of God, the earth reveals his handiwork. But then again, one who is opposed to the idea of a God seeking glory for himself would be blinded to these evidences.

I do not speak in derogatory terms. I only wish to speak the truth. I wish only the best for my audience, each respective individual. I want my words to carry significance, meaning, and be useful for the purpose of edification. Indeed more than anything else, this work is needed in churches today. Personal interaction, not just theological debates or sermons on random topics. Personal sharing and the building up of others is pivotal. How can one grow unless he is watered? Yes, God does the watering, but many times God's very hand is an individual.

May God grant all of you purity. I know in my case the very utterance of that word makes my stomach cringe. I know that I have not lived up to this standard. However, I intend to get past this. I must change. I know it will be hard work, but sowing to righteousness will show its fruit in due time. And for all the others who struggle in this same area, put your foot in the door, make it clear that you want to change, and pray to God for guidance and help. It is His will that you change, but you must carry out the work yourself.

As I close, I want my friends to know that I care for each of you. I have gained wisdom, laughed, wasted money, wasted time, eaten things that shouldn't be eaten, spoke things that shouldn't be spoken, and whacked people that shouldn't be whacked with ice scrapers. Indeed these experiences are fun and cool. Life: Good stuff.

And now, the time to extend a gesture of leavation, I shall leave the fellowship, lose my salvation, and return to the fellowship and regain my salvation as Time sees fit. Because, after all, I must look inside myself for the inner light. And then, I'll reach a higher state of enlightenment, in which I learn that the state of enlightenment I am experiencing is a defense mechanism built into my brain and is just an evolutionary advancement. Because, after all, I and the bacteria infecting my swollen conscience share a common ancestor. (The previous paragraph is an untruth).

Because the person who speaks too much is bound to speak an untruth or two. Tell me of my follies. Speak words of crapism into my lungs. For somewhere therein lies a partical of Smoker's Delight inhaled from Dendall's pipe. But no seeds of vengeance lay in my bossom so I will venture no further.

I'm thirsty. I think I'll leave now. Farekitties.

-The artist.

p.s.- I shall always love the absence of leeches.

p.s.s.- As you can very well see, the accumulated resources of meaningfulness have been depleted, as randomaity has made an appearance into the room, which is in fact this email, which in fact you are reading, which in fact means nothing now so you should stop, which in fact means that you're a purpose driven crapface for not stooping. Ahh the smell of old wood, car exhaust, blazing hot sauce, and smoker's delight.