Downfall and Splendour

Thus follows the account of the downfall of the Crop Circle Creator Corporation:

In the year 6173 by Keeper reckoning, the great Elders inquired how to preserve the freedom of Man from tyranny. For many years we observed the Corporation, but of late, after the departure of the fallen keeper Gristhkep, this Corporation’s actions have indeed darkened. We observed that Newogoth, the new leader of the corporation, had enacted an ambitious campaign for world domination through numerous fronts and many contacts. This is what the Elders brought into light. Therefore, they decided to resort to drastic measures in order to quell this threat.

Gristhkep, after his resignation from the Corporation, had become admirably hospitable towards the Keepers. A few short months after going into hiding, he resumed contact with individuals who had left the corporation following his departure. Newogoth, meanwhile, had enacted a bitter campaign towards all “hypocrites” who left the organization, a notably harsh step up from Gristhkep’s actions while in office. Indeed, this is the reason we considered the drastic measure to end the Corporation’s rule. Originally our plans included Gristhkep in a covert operation, but apparently Newogoth intercepted a number of messages given to “hypocrites” from Gristhkep, for Gristhkep was abducted and we believe he is now being held captive in the Corporation Headquarters. This occurrence has also contributed to the drastic measures offered by the Elders.

On the sixth day of May 6173, year 2005 by the Julian, we selected a number of Keepers to overthrow the Corporation headquarters, mainly by assassination of Newogoth himself. It should be noted that Keepers have rarely ever interfered in human affairs over the course of history, however, we felt a direct calling from The Almighty to end this threat to Mankind. This has been our calling over the centuries: protect Man from tyranny. Mainly, we focus on the tyranny of sin, not tyranny imposed by men. However, this date is the exception, as our operation commenced that very night.

Surrounding the Corporation Headquarters premises, a number of keepers armed only with the Word of God converged and overwhelmed armed guards around the premises. It should be noted that Keepers are under the protective power of God, and are not susceptible to any harm by human hand. However, it should also be noted that the Keepers do not operate under any power of their own; they are only stewards of God’s Will. Thus, the Keepers overwhelmed the Headquarters, and broke therein, and subsequently ended the threat of the Crop Circle Creator Corporation with the death of Newogoth. The foolish one may ask how Newogoth died, but in the end it does not matter. The only thing we will tell is that God dealt with Newogoth Himself.

Now that the threat has ended, we have rewarded Gristhkep a renewed corporation in which he will work to undo the evils he has caused. He is now a strong proponent of Keeperdom and Christianity, and his change has been remarkable. However, we still watch the fallen Keeper closely, to be sure his faith is indeed verified. In the end, however, it pleases us to have our long-forgotten friend back in our care. Though he has lost his rank of Keeperdom, he still has our friendship, and the Grace of God. May God enrich the success of his corporation and lavish His blessings to Man!

Thus ends the account of the Keepers.

Now for something completely... determined

Today I had a thought. And you are bedazzled and bedridden and exclaim “worldy riches and glorious wonder! Let the Exclamation begin!” But no, that is not the accomplishment. The fact I had a thought is not the accomplishment. But concerning Absolute Power and minute details, I did have a thought.

Let me use an analogy: perhaps a CEO-DOG** of some prestigious, ahem, voluptuous organization has a lot of power. What does this imply? …I’m waiting… that’s right, the CEO-DOG has a certain level of control over the organization. And what if he was given more power? Would his control of the organization increase or decrease? …Comon!... yes, of course, increase! To what level of control? Does he control individual action of his subordinates? Not yet. But naturally when you say someone has power, you also imply they have authority, and with authority control (to a certain degree), and with control, the ability to attain their goal.

Now let’s say (as opposed to keeping our thoughts to ourselves, in which case this world would be very boring) that the CEO-DOG is given absolute power. That is, infinite powder. No, not gun powder, you imbecile***. I mean, fairy dust, the substance of infinite ability. So, this dude has infinite power.

What does that mean? What does this imply?

If he has absolute power, his will will affect everybody and everything (no, I didn’t not not repeat a word wrongly). Every minute detail of work becomes a matter of greatest importance to him, since every lost second takes him farther from his goals. So, he is given absolute control. (Now the only problem is to accomplish this without stripping workers of their free will, and/or clothes).

Absolute power = absolute control in my opinion. To say that God is Sovereign and yet subject to the wills of humans is to limit God’s power! To say that in any respect an action is outside God’s Sovereign Will implies that this certain action could interrupt a portion of God’s will, and that, my dog***, is a bad thing.

I am sounding like a hard determinist here, so for the sake of our friends with the surname “Allen”***, I’ll tone it down a bit.

If a scientist has absolute power, everything in his sphere of study is controlled by him.

If Dendall had absolute power, the universe would be Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy personified, along with random clouds of TUDE* space dust.

Does God cause people to sin? I shall respond to this question by asking, “does God make people saved?”. Whoever rejects God’s calling of Salvation in my case is not a Christian. This is the person who stands on his own ability to save himself, which is not what true salvation is based upon. So there. God makes people saved. True. But how? By drawing them to himself. Huh? What is this? God giving someone the desire to come to Him. So, has not God cursed Man with a sin nature? Indeed he has.

Now, let’s come face to face with terms here. What if someone says, “but since people are naturally sinful, God doesn’t have to make them sin!” Bravo, fellow pseudo Calvinist! Now, watch carefully. If sin is outside of God’s will, then the entire Human Race might as well be outside of God’s Will, which undermines Providence. And when you undermine Providence, you undermine hope for a secure future, for if the human race is outside of God’s will, how will we ever reach the fulfilling of Prophecy as told in Revelation?

Here an example is: if God is constantly foreknowing our actions and making provision for actions gone astray, I argue time would be thrown in a constant loop. Think about it, what if God said, “Oh no, there goes Don again. I had better put someone in his life to help him back on his feet.” And who helps the person (who helps Don on his feet) to his feet? You see? If anything is outside of God’s Will, everything is.

Now, as earlier, how does God save people? In my opinion, by shaping their hearts, by giving them desires which they naturally act upon. I have the desire to express myself right now, therefore I’m doing exactly what I want to do. On the contrary, how does sin fit into God’s Will? I assure you it must. Sin must be contained in God’s Sovereignty. Otherwise, nothing is contained therein. Here, when it comes down to details, I will assert one thing: sin happens. As part of God’s overall plan. In the overall plan God laid out for redemption, yes, I sin. Why? God only knows, and I know a little. Because at the depth of sin and utter depravity, my heart goes “bleh”, and I call out for God like never before. In sin my pride is illuminated, revealing my sinful motives. In sin I see just how sinful I am before a holy God and am called to repentance. These are but a few.

So sin has some purpose, a purpose which God can use for good. Sin is essentially bad, but used for good. Just like the Law is essentially good, but we stumble over it and use it for bad. See! See! We led you out! Good Sméagol always helps.

I haven’t told you how my sin is encompassed by the Will of God. And neither will I because God only knows, and I know a little. God can harden the heart for His glory, as he did Pharoah, so through the sinfulness of many men God receives glory. As for Christians, sin is essential in the process of sanctification of Dendall****, as we all have very well seen. Now my fingers can lay in rest… upon my ears***.

So, let’s hope that a logical inconsistency has not occurred in this case. And let Dendall hope that cotton fabrics don’t soak up chicken grease. But why did Dendall’s accident with the intestines happen last week? Certainly that could not be a part of God’s Will? But yes, my chicken, because God has a TUDE* sense of humor.

*TUDE – Toxic Unstable Dendall Emission
**CEO-DOG – Not to be confused with Newogoth
***Not intended for derogatory purposes
****Intended for derogatory purposes