Social Outrage Documented Hereafter:

Poetry... are you supposed spew it out as if it were volatile creations inside of your enzyme pumping regurgitator? Or should you be able to slather it on a slickened slope of slapping seals on a surrogate summer's session? Or maybe it tastes like hot chicken and noodle, hot pasty frog [blogger censored] and the conglomeration of every fetal cat or pig you ever dissected? or does it EXPLODE?

Oh, you must excuse me for that last bit of relapsarian spasticism. I believe that is how a dog would put it. Oh oh, is this one of the ones in a perpetual progression of pietisms? I believe so! Score! Whack! Or, is it, Smack! Uh, wait, here it is: Snap! Yes! the proverbial rendition of scaled coolness is caught up, literally raptured in that one word: “snap.” Yes indeed, but I've never understood why. I always thought it was simply based on the phonetics of the word, you know, psychologically effect of the way it sounds. But let's investigate.

First of all, to eliminate all previous biases, we must anchor our investigation in the concrete definition of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Hereafter follows the definition:

In the interest of a smaller blog, you can see the full definition here.

1) The Don’s (Non-Biased) Definition:
Snap: to break an object by bending it past its maximum point of tension, resulting in a sudden breaking of the object and generally a high pitched sound to accompany the breaking.
On terms of coolness, I can't see why this action could be something cool, unless of course you think violence IS the answer and beating people up and SNAPPING their respective femurs is COOL. Or, maybe the individual is involved in vandalism and enjoys snapping things, such as pencils and I-Beams. Then, and only then, the idea of snapping or the sudden psychological recursion of the exclamation, "Snap!", brings that positive feeling of snapping things to mind, thus releasing endorphins. Or, maybe "snap" refers to a conveyance that is more subliminal: something not tangible, but symbolic. For example, snap could refer to the sudden release of emotions after they have built up on such a grande scale that they, "snap". Or, it could refer to a social situation where a dude gets rejected by a foxy lady, thus snapping one of the neurons in the brain and causing him to fall down dead with his blood (lineage) spurting out of his ear, plus the fact that the snapping of the neuron actually sounds like a "snap". However, young and inexperienced sir, these previous intangible situations are NOT generally associated with the positive, the good, or the beneficial, THUS neither the cool. And up till now, we have NOT established a very good reason for the word "snap" to be such a socially stimulating term and generally associated as "cool" on the public's terms… which is why we shall now proceed to the rest of the lecture. (When will it end?)

2) Now, back to the phonetic effect of the word "snap" on the brain
"Snap" is a very harsh sounding word, and it stands out. First of all, the letter 's' is the loudest sound that comes out of the mouth. Try it. Say "s" and then say "b". Obviously, 's' stands out more clearly. And that's only the beginning. "n" serves as a transition from the extremely harsh "s" to the nasal sound of "a". "a" serves as a platform with which to prolong the duration of the entire word, "snap" and thus creating a more socially stimulating version of the word, "snap". Also, the nasal sound of "a" is indeed the harshest sound of all the vowels. And Finally, "snap" ends with the letter "p", which, in reality, is a soft, non harsh sound. But, when this is added to the monstrous harshness of the previous, the stark contrast is enough to baffle a flattened elephant. Contrast my friend. Contrast and harshness are the two aspects which make the word so peculiar to many a situation.

Now, I have made myself late for class (gasp! My secret has been revealed!). I whall (shall) go now. Please continue to use the word "snap" in your social situations, as this email was not intended to demean any individual who uses the word "snap".
Don Out.

these days: a subverse thought

3.31.04 has opened the door to many who implore just where my thoughts soar

The days have indeed grown dark and weary since those of old,
For abject sailors perhaps may sail many a sea too bold,
But never see the consequence for which one should behold,
For in the dead of darkened night the wind blows rank and cold;

Damp and dreadful yes indeed these moments tarry may,
But soon the sun will break anon and chase the night away;
For solemntude for many a dude ensued platoon da schway,
Except the nude freak rude and crude shouts in the mood "make way!"

The eye has opened to my head
Offer me a chance instead
To make reparations for the dead
Else slaughtered by a native sled

We heard the news and bought the ruse that Robin Reed hath weaved
Out popped the tooths into the hues bright green soon red and grey
Whoever thought that sleds of naught could reck a life so quay
In light of day when bricks are layed in place of fortified graves
For who would guess that in my quest this doom so quickly come
The time had wrought a silmarilis from my severed thumb
If ever light may find the blight that eats and drinks my rum
The Kendall of this darkened pessimistic nightmare's bum must drum
Hum dee dum, On decaying portions of my flesh and bone
To tell me who I am.

-Don Townsend

p.s.- Tell me if you can make any sense of this.